Dog Fact, Quotes and Jokes

Dogs are wonderful friends and companions for both adults and children. Here are some wonderful quotes about dogs with a few jokes thrown in.

"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful." -Ann Landers

"If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one". -Andrew A. Rooney

"A dog is not almost human, and I know of no greater insult to the canine race than to describe it as such." -John Holmes

"Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window" -Steve Bluestone

"The more I see of man, the beter I like dogs". -Madame Roland

"If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them" -Phil Pastoret

"Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job." -Franklin P. Jones

"Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot little puppies." -Gene Hill

"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face" -Ben Williams

"If you can't decide between a Shepherd, a Setter, or a Poodle, get them all....adopt a mutt!" -ASPCA

"When a dog barks at the moon, then it is religion; but when he barks at strangers, it is patriotism!" -David Starr Jordan

"All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others". -George Orwell

"If you don't have a dog--at least one--there is not necessarily anything wrong with you, but there may be something wrong with your life." --Vincent Van Gogh

The Blonde & The K-9 Patrol Dispatch The police department, famous for its superior K-9 unit, was somewhat taken aback by a recent incident. Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first on the scene.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, clapped a hand to her head and moaned, "I come home from work to find all my possessions stolen, I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send a BLIND policeman!"

"Dogs are obsessed with being happy" --James Thurber

"To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs." --Aldous Huxley

"I wonder if other dogs think Poodles are members of some weird religious cult." -- Rita Rudner

"I've seen the look in dog's eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that dogs think humans are nuts." ---John Steinbeck

"Nobody can fully understand love unless he's owned by a dog." -- Gene Hill

"Don't carry anything that's too big to fit in your mouth." ---Conversations With Dog

"The greatest pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him, and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too." --- Samuel Butler

"The average dog is a nicer person then the average person." -- Andrew A. Rooney

"If you can start the day without caffeine . . . If you can get going without pep pills. . . If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it . . . If you can conquer the world tension without medical help . . . If you can relax without liquor. . . If you can sleep without the aid of drugs . . . Then my friend, you are almost as good as your dog. " --Author Unknown

"In Dog years, I'm dead." --Author Unknown

"Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in." -- Mark Twain

"I am a dog. You are a man. You expect too much. I accept too little. Even when I get too little, I still know that life is good. Too often you overlook that fact." --Conversations with Dog

"The more I see of men, the more I admire dogs." --- Jeanne-Marie Roland

"If you get to thinking that you are a person of some influence,try ordering someone else's dog around." --Will Rogers

"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson

"Dig under fence - Why? Because it's there. Because it's there. Because it's there." --Author Unknown

"Of all the things I miss from veterinary practice, puppy breath is one of the most fond memories." - Dr. Tom Cat

"In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn't merely try to train him to be semihuman .The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog." ---Edward Hoagland

"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to .99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money." --Joel Weinstein

Dogs Don't Bite: When a Growl Will Do will make a great gift for the dog lover in your life. Full of wonderful dog photos, dog wisdom, dog quotes and dog stories, you or your loved one is sure to learn about what your dog can teach you about living a happy life. "If you don't have a dog--at least one--there is not necessarilyanything wrong with you, but there may be something wrong with your life."-Vincent Van Gogh

"No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does." --Christopher Morley

Help Wanted

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer." A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.

Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.

The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer."

The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager. By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can't give you the job."

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, "Yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual."

The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, "Meow."

Sandy Oberreuter has a web site on small dog breeds but also on the most popular dogs that include dogs good with children and seniors, finding the best vets and breeders and much more. Visit http://www.small-dogbreeds